Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
