p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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