Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
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