census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
