So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
