Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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