I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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