who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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