I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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