Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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