i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
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