accomplished twins. life is a go
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
