This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize