Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
