Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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