Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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