Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Text me some of your sweat
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
