Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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