my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
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ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
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Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I pour the whiskey from now on
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