My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
