I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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