Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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