I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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