I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
