Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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