if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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