I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
