why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to calm my uterus...
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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