I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
