Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?