the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.