I'm being pulled over???
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
I love us.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...