have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
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