Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
