if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
