Got a toothbrush?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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