I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
