people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
