I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
