This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
