Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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