we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
