i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
