cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
