Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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