im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
