my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Someone shattered a urinal.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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