On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize