Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Even my vagina gasped.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
