At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
why didn't you poke me back
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
