dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
That accounts for only three of the penises
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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