My underwear smells like fireworks.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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