Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
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