I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Swine flu. Run for my life!
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
