i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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