Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize