At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
4 words: hood of his car
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
