Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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