Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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