I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
