you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
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i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
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What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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