i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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