I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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