I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
