one might say we're banned from that church
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
