There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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